literature

The Millionth Chance

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DSteffi's avatar
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Literature Text

Palm against my chest,
The feel of warm flesh,
A fragile beating heart,
That came so close to ceasing end.

The sun rose and fell,
On a day stuck in the night.
Horrors followed the gloom,
Hope came from starless light.

Tears roared with anger,
From eyes soaked in wrath.
Trapped beneath four walls,
Where victory never passed.

Like a doll, soft and still,
In a corner, judgment lay.
Hands gripping the final match,
Of a selfish, losing act.

But dreams came and forethought,
A life well-lived and well-fought.
Love and joys and friends to be met,
Memories made eternal to be kept.

Unseen places and an unfelt touch,
Strangers and more waiting to be loved.
Impossible fantasy, never to be reality,
If one had chosen to have given up.

Slowly, the weapon is drawn,
To be put pack to where it belongs.
Take a heave and stand up once more,
Just breathe, get up, go, live on.
Upon so much pain that gathered among the years and decided to hit me with one massive blow, a thought came to mind that I once thought stupid and cowardly. Suicide. It came to mind twice. I won't go into the problems in detail but they were so overwhelming I was losing my mind. A kunai sits in my closet. It was a gift from a friend. Being the Narutard that I am, I was so excited in getting it. I never planned on using it on anyone most especially myself. I just wanted it to end. Run away. End it all. I messaged a friend and talked about my problems. And there's a reason why she's my best friend. She didn't cuddle me like most would, she told me what had to be said dead on at that. She said that if I committed suicide, I wouldn't be able to watch anime. ever. again. And that I was being selfish not thinking about the people I was leaving behind. She also said that if I ran away, I'd share a toilet with a hobo. And that if I ever talk or think about that again, she would murder me herself. She gave me a link to a song. The lyric that stuck out was, "You don't have to carry the weight of the world."

I also told my aunt about my problems. She brought into light the things that are still to be grasped. Things that can only be achieved if one is alive. Now, I'm much better. I look on to the future and heck, life is already short so why shorten it? :) Besides, Naruto Shippuden isn't finished yet.

So I dedicate this poem to all you out there who feel like shit and feel like taking your life away. I dedicate this to those who are lost, hopeless, lonely and cast out. Live on. Be strong. You're not alone and you never are.

Like my friend said to me that Gintoki said:

"If you've got enough free time to fantasize about your beautiful death, why don't you just live your life beautifully till the end?"
© 2012 - 2024 DSteffi
Comments5
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KodokuNoNana's avatar
Emotional indeed..:)